Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
