You're my little dorito
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
