are you still at the devil's house?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
