super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
