I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
