Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
