My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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