Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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