her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
