She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
