One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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