i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
