hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
