He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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