I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
