Buhtt sex?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
