I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize