We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize