you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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