i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
