yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
