he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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