I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
