Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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