There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
