So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
