I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
