spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The power of my boobs compel you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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