On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
