saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
