Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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