does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize