Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The power of my boobs compel you
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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