life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dick very happy bro
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
