Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
