drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
