Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
