i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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