It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
