Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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