Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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