i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
