She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
