the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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