dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
