i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
