for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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