I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
