Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
