I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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