the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
