Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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