I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
