Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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