if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
