and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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