Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
thus making me awesome and them whores
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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