and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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