problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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