I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He shit in the fireplace
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
