i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
