it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
