I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize