just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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