If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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