You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
