I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
