He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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