so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
