Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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