I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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