I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
