six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
