question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
