P.S. I can't hear my feet
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
