I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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