I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
