Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
