they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
