You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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