My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I booty called her while she was in labor.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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