a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
