College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
porn star boner night. come get it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
