I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
