How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Your cock deserves a montage
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
