he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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