I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
