I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh god it's open bar.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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