Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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