We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
