Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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