Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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