Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
