when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
