I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
