Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
