Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
