Cold hands, warm shart.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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