He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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