sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
