We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
