is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
