Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
