I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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