So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
