I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We have started to decorate penises.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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