I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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