Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My feet surprised me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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